You know the feeling. You're standing at a crossroads — the job, the house, the relationship — and your mind says one thing, your heart maybe says another. The more you think about it, the harder it gets, until you don't even know what's coming from where anymore.

I want to give you the trick I've used for years when I'm there. It's simple enough to sound like nothing. It has never let me down.

Why you can't think your way out of it

Here's something I learned about myself, and I believe it's true for most of us: I am the biggest liar to myself.

Not on purpose. It's the animal instinct in us — it always argues for safety and comfort, because that's its job. But what's safe isn't always what's right. So when you sit and reason your way through a big decision, you're mostly listening to a very persuasive lawyer for your comfort zone. Add a little fear and a little hope, and the soul's quiet answer doesn't stand a chance.

The overnight trick

It goes like this:

When you go to bed, hold the question. Where am I going — left or right with this? Don't wrestle with it. Don't list the pros and cons one more time. And here's the important part: don't wait for the answer. Just put the question out and go to sleep. If you lie there waiting, your mind will manufacture something — and it's important to know yourself well enough to admit that.

Overnight, everything that shouts gets a rest — the brain, the emotions, the fear. And in the first moment when you open your eyes, before the day has touched you, you are as close to your own spirit as you will ever be while awake.

The first thought in your mind when you wake is the answer. The soul has spoken.

A split second later the mind kicks in — "oh, hang on, maybe the other thing is better…" — and the arguing starts again. Let it argue. Stick with the first thought. I've trusted mine for years now and, knock on wood, it has not been wrong. Not because I know what the other road held — but every time I've listened to my own soul, it has turned out good.

But what if the answer scares me?

It might. The soul doesn't share the animal instinct's love of comfort — it points at growth, and growing is rarely cosy. If the first thought comes with a flutter of anxiety, that's usually not a warning. It's just change announcing itself. Give yourself a hug and embrace it — every big change I've walked through in my life, every single one, has turned out for the better, even the ones I was terrified to start.

These days, when I feel that fear, I usually walk straight into it. I refuse to let it decide my life. That took practice — I work on my thought patterns every single day — but it began with trusting that first waking thought a few times and watching it be right.

Why I won't make your decisions for you

People bring their crossroads to mediums all the time. "Is this the right partner for me?" — and you know what I answer? "What do you think?"

Because it's not my job to live your life, and it isn't spirit's either. They won't tell you who to love, where to live, or what to choose — that's yours, and it should be. A medium who hands you life decisions can send you down the wrong road for years. (I've written more about what a reading can and can't tell you.) We are here to help you help yourself — to make you secure enough to choose with your own two feet under you.

And the wonderful, inconvenient truth is: you don't need anyone else's compass. Your soul is in touch with everything it needs to be in touch with. It knows exactly what is good for you and where you need to go. Not always the easiest way — but the right one.

Your soul already knows the way. You just need to still your mind long enough to hear it.