I'm not talking about everyday sadness or frustration. I'm talking about the big ones, the destructive forces: hatred, anger, and bitterness.

Strong words, I know. But they grow out of envy, jealousy and deep hurt, and if we are not careful, they can consume us. They can make us forget the entire purpose of this life — which is to live. Now, not tomorrow.

The high price of holding on

You may feel you have every right to be furious. You may be convinced that the people who hurt you deserve your hatred. But keeping those feelings comes at a price, and the person who pays it is you.

Hatred, anger and bitterness are like a fire that consumes a dry field. They swallow you whole and squeeze every other beautiful feeling out of your heart. They change you — until the people who love you are left with an empty shell of who you really were. And the body keeps the score: sleepless nights, headaches, stomach trouble, exhaustion.

The only thing worse than being hurt by someone is keeping that wound open long after they are gone from your life.

What forgiveness is — and what it isn't

Believe me when I say the only escape from that pain is forgiveness. And I know how that word lands when the hurt was real. So let me be clear about what I mean.

Forgiveness is not about saying what they did was okay. It doesn't excuse anything, and it doesn't invite anyone back into your life. It is about deciding that you will no longer carry their poison in your own heart. It is about choosing to be free.

Nobody else has to know you've done it. They don't have to apologise first. They don't even have to be alive. Forgiveness happens in the only place it ever could — inside you.

What the spirit world taught me about it

Here is something from my side of this work that I wish everyone could see. As a medium, I meet those who have crossed over in pure love — and so many of them come asking for forgiveness. They see, with a clarity we rarely manage here, how much of their precious life they spent carrying what had been, instead of letting go and starting over.

We can learn from them while we're still here. It is never too late. Every day is a new beginning — theirs and ours.

It must start with forgiving yourself

This is the part most people skip, and it's the part that matters most. We judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else ever could. We replay our worst moments for years after everyone else has forgotten them.

So start there. Forgive yourself first, and look at the beautiful, divine spark you truly are. And when you meet people who are consumed by their own pain — because you will — send them love and don't take their feelings on board. If we're going to make this world a kinder place, it starts with us. Be an example.

A gentle way to begin

If forgiveness feels too big to do all at once — it usually does — try writing it out. Say what was never said, on paper, where nobody is grading you. Some people write to a person still living. Many write to someone who has died; if that's you, there's a gentle exercise for exactly that in A Letter from Heaven.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You will not regret becoming a happier, freer person.

It is never too late to start over. Never too late to start with a new thought.